I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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