dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
