mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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