i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So vagazzling was a success
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
