I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
