I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
