I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
