she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
