I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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