I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
