your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
