she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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