thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
