At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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