I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
