My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
