I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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