i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
