He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
