She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
