you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
