then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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