Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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