Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
