You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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