The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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