I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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