would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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