Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
