Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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