I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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