he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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