what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
