Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm sobbing to NWA
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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