Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
