she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
