My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
