You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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