We named our party play list daddy issues
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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