he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
