i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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