Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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