I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
