She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
