I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
