She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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