hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
