Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
