ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
