Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
