i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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