Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
