you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
