Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
