we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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