Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
